Saturday, May 11, 2013

It is supposed to be a happy day

Sighhh...I feel really really down today.

Today is supposed to be an excited day for me. In few hours time, I will be flying back to my home town to attend my grandma's birthday celebration, in which I have been looking forward to.

Today is supposed to be a relax day for me. I just took an exam 2 days ago and I thought I can finally rest for a short while before taking the next exam.

Today is supposed to be a better day for me as I just got over my sadness for not able to perform in my exam which I took 2 days ago. I can't blame anyone or anything as I did not work hard and prepare enough this time and I have expected to fail it. It's my fault that I slack and did not work hard but I still feel sad.

Today is supposed to be a joyful day for me. Tomorrow is Mother's Day and I am heading back to see my mama today.

Today is supposed to be a self-pampered day. I had plan to reward myself with something expensive for finishing the recent exam marathon and working hard (at work).

And the list go on...

I woke up automatically before 8am today and this is not usual for me as I don't normally woke up that early on Saturday. I haven't had enough sleep for the week and I don't supposed to wake up this early without alarm clock. No, is not biological clock as I don't consistently wake up at 8 this week. I burned midnight oil and woke up rather late every day before my exam. And yesterday, I almost could not wake up to work even with the helped of alarm clock due to tiredness.

Perhaps, my brain knew something. Perhaps, my brain received some dunno-what-wave-signal and asked me to wake up.

It's my habit to check my phone first once I woke up. Checking email, notification, massage and etc. And today is no different.

Finally, I received an email that I have been waiting for so long, for weeks. It's my exam result, which I took in mid of March. This exam is slightly different where I have to do it at home within the given time frame and submit it for grading. It's a very tense exam even you do it at home due to the time limit. I'm not that sad for failing other exam but this exam is really torturing.

Yup, I failed!!! T.T Arghhh...I need to redo everything again. I need to go through the whole stressful process...I...I don't what to do....

Sigh...It's a very expensive exam. I need to re-register and spend U$500 on it. Cannot claim from anywhere. No, I am not sad because of the money actually.

I though I will be ok but no...I feel very sad but not able to cry...I got no one to turn to and don't know how to let it out. I thought I am strong enough but I realize I need a shoulder to cry on sometimes. I..I don't know...

Right. I got few hours more to pack my feelings before I reach my home. I don't know I still can smile today but I have to try. I can't show my sadness in front of my parents and grandma, especially during the her birthday and mother's day celebration.

Ok. Got to go. Rushing to airport. Feeling much better as I write it out...


  1. Kai yin, I don't know what to say to make you feel better... Wish everything going smooth on your next paper, next next paper, next next next paper too, gambateh! Life goes up and down, however we must stay in +ve Energy! :)

  2. Cause every little thing, is gonna be alright!

  3. Hey.. soon everything will get f9.... stay calm and keep trying for this exam.. bcoz i m damn sure.. when u'll clear this exam.. dat would be the wonderful day and u'll forget every pain watever u r facing right now...

    All the best and keep trying & stay focused!!!

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